Men and Women Writers and Networking by Marilyn Haight
By Jerry D. Simmons | October 2nd, 2007 | No Comments » (Click to add yours!)
Writers know that we have a better chance of finding an agent or publisher when we are referred. The big problem is figuring out how to get that referral. The male writers I’ve met are much better at networking for contacts than the women writers. Men approach networking as a business transaction; women approach it as relationship building.
I’ve never met a man who was afraid of making someone feel uncomfortable by asking for a contact. It’s just business, and they know they have nothing to lose by asking. They realize that the worst that can happen is the other person will say, “No.” Then they move on and ask someone else.
In contrast, I’ve met many women who know-someone-who-knows-someone whom they could benefit by meeting, but when I ask: “Why don’t you ask your acquaintance for an introduction?” they reply: “I don’t want to make her/him feel uncomfortable by asking.” This kind of thinking makes it almost impossible to get a referral!
The first thing women writers (and some men, too) seeking an agent or publisher must do is to recognize that publishing and selling books is a business. If you don’t agree, check with the Department of Revenue (DOR); they won’t let you get away without paying sales (privilege) tax on books you sell directly to buyers. In fact, the DOR will require that you get a business license to sell books. If the government says you’re in business, you’re in business!
Second, you must detach yourself emotionally from your writing business. This can be hard to do when your writing is personal, but you must shift gears, or change hats, or whatever metaphor works to help you separate your book-selling business from book-writing.
Third, you must not only think about how to make your business successful, you must take action. You need contacts. If asking for contacts feels awkward, here a few assertive (but not agressive) lines you may rehearse before approaching people who might be able to connect you:
- Most assertive: “I write in a genre similar to yours. Would you introduce me to your agent/publisher? I’d like to know whether he/she would be interested in my work, or can recommend someone else?”
- Mildly assertive: “This is a networking question: I write in a genre similar to yours and I’m looking for an agent/publisher. I wonder if your agent/editor might know someone I could contact. Would you please introduce me so I may network through her/him?”
- Least assertive: “I’m looking for an [agent to represent] or [editor to publish] my work. It’s along the lines of your genre but with a different slant. Would you be willing to give me your agent’s/publisher’s contact information so I can determine whether he/she would be interested in it or would refer me to someone else? I don’t want this to be awkward for you and I’ll understand if you are reluctant to share this information—if that’s the case, perhaps you can direct me in another way.”
Give it a try—you’ll have to do it a few times before you get comfortable with it. Don’t feel hurt if your request is rejected—it’s just your request that is rejected, not you. The relationship doesn’t’ end because you asked for help with your business!
Now, get out there and get the contacts you need to succeed!
Marilyn Haight
Author of “How to Market Your Book on the Internet For Free: A Guide for Non-Techies Like Me”
http://www.lulu.com/content/531796
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